Let's all blame the circumstances
Rat parks and why it's likely not your fault
“Man. I wasted so much time again today on Reels. I don’t even want to look at my screen time. I can’t believe I just let my time outside work go to waste like that. That is what the Big Tech people want, and I’m just giving into it. I have no self-control.”
This is me, every day after work. When there’s no-one else around, I spend my evenings just watching short-form video for hours. Then, I end up regretting it and do it all over again the next day.
You might say I’m addicted. That is not, however, my primary concern. It’s the negative self-talk around the habit I’m more worried about. Lately, I’ve found a way to make those voices a little less loud, and I want to articulate it with you.
What’s the sich?
When I say that I have no self-control, I have personalized an issue that is in-fact not personal or unique to me at all. Everyone I speak to who’s my age or younger is facing the challenge of too much screen time. I think that has something to do with low self-esteem. When you’re going through life with the suspicion that there’s something not quite right with you, everything that isn’t perfect is a candidate for why it could be your fault.
Situationism is a school of thought that helps me see how much of my behaviour is not “my fault”. The situationists hold that our actions are dictated far more by the situation we find ourselves in than our ‘character’ or ‘personality’. They cite a number of experiments. In one, subjects were pay phone callers. Some of these subjects found pre-planted coins in their booth, while others did not. When each one got out, they were met with a stranger who dropped a folder full of papers. The experiment found that those who found the coin in the booth were more likely to help the stranger than those who didn’t.
The point the situationists make is that situations are far better at predicting behaviour than the individual’s character. You might see the person helping the stranger pick up the papers and think, “Oh, that’s such a nice person,” when in fact, the act had barely anything to do with the person.
The important insight here is that we often wrongly attribute things to identity. We take behavior to be the indicator of who a person is, as opposed to what they’re going through. Are we doing that with ourselves too? Maybe each time I call myself lazy or weak-willed, it’s actually that there are so many things calling upon my limited energy that I have none left for the things I want to do more of.
The Rat Park
There is another experiment in the 1970s I recently found out about that I think the situationists could make use of. Apparently, it’s long been proven that rats in a cage, when given the option between water and morphine, will pick morphine each time and overdose. The conclusion was seemingly clear. The drugs win.
A psychologist had the bright idea of doing the same experiment, but in a “rat park”, a colony where the rats could socialize with each other. Notably, in that colony rats preferred the water over the morphine. Even if some took the morphine, they took it in lesser quantities and never overdosed. The situationists might learn about this experiment and say “Aha!” The situation makes all the difference.
Now imagine if the isolated rats criticize themselves to no end. “You have no self-control! You will never be able to quit because you’re weak!” On the other hand, the colony rats pride themselves on a clean lifestyle. “I treat my body like a temple, ya know.” Both would be deluded in thinking their character has something to do with their choices.
The upshot here is that we could do with being kinder to ourselves about the things we’re not able to do and places we’re not able to get. I felt a sense of relief when I stopped blaming myself for the Reels addiction. Instead, I got curious about the situation that supports this behavior. Coming home from work to an empty house will do that to you. The silence needs to be filled.
Making Excuses?
I know that there is a dominant position on this found in many a motivational video. You can rise above your circumstances; beat the odds and get what you want. To this worldview, the situationist approach can seem like making excuses or not pushing ourselves hard enough. The voice is one of a stern coach who doesn’t let you give up and pushes you beyond your limits.
Here’s the thing about having this coach in my head. He’s good at making me do one extra rep at the gym, but he doesn’t really know when to stop. When I fail, he can be mean, calling me lazy or weak. That is not a voice that helps me reach my goals. A more empathetic voice is that of the situationist. Of course, you’re not able to stop watching Reels. It can be lonely living alone, and escaping is a way to cope. It’s understandable.
To me, the stern coach comes at a very high cost, and is not effective at his job either. A kinder coach creates an environment where I can thrive sustainably, and where it’s okay for me to fail. I like playing in the kind coach’s team, so I think I’m going to keep doing that.
More Examples of Situationist Flips
Here are some more examples where people wisely take the focus away from the individual and on the situation they’re in.
Imposter syndrome: Reshma Sujauni, the founder of an organization called “Girls Who Code”, tackles imposter syndrome in this commencement speech. If women at the workplace feel like they don’t belong, they’re told it’s because they’re suffering from “imposter syndrome”. Saujani puts forth that imposter syndrome doesn’t actually exist. It’s a tool to make the woman the problem, so that they don’t start to question the structural problems in workplaces that make them feel this way.
Habit-building: In the popular book “Atomic Habits” by James Clear, he emphasizes a stance that is, I think, quite situationist. You don’t rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems. The focus is less on will-power and motivation to build habits, and more on how we can set up systems (or situations) so that we do what’s needed.
If you know of any other places you’ve seen this flip happen, feel free to tell us about it in the comments or reply to this email.